“What did they really mean?”

When your voice says:

“Their tone was off. There must be a hidden message.”

“I can’t stop until I figure out what they meant.”

Coach Lynn says:

You may not be able to know another person’s meaning from replaying the moment. More replay can create more guesses, not more facts.

Then you say:

Here’s what I need to do:

• Settle my body with one or more Composure Breaths.
• Write down exactly what they said or did, the way a camera would have recorded it.
• Label my guesses as guesses: "I'm assuming they meant ___." Then name one other reasonable explanation.
• If it still matters to me, ask them calmly: "When you said ___, what did you mean?" If not, let the guess go.

Coach Lynn says:

Facts are steadier than guesses about someone else’s mind. When you stop decoding and simply ask if you need to, you free your mind and keep your relationships clear and honest.